How to find a lost relative or an old friend in the UK, with their consent

Start with what you can do yourself

Most people are found by ordinary means, and these cost nothing but time.

• Mutual contacts. Relatives, old neighbours, former colleagues and school friends. One conversation often produces a town, a married name or a workplace.
• The last address you had. Write a short, friendly letter with your contact details and ask whoever lives there now to forward it. Put nothing in it you would mind a stranger reading.
• Social networks. Search variations of the name, including a maiden name or nickname, with the town, school or employer. A message through the platform lets them choose whether to answer.
• The public companies register. If they have ever run a company, the register shows a service address you can write to, though it is often an accountant's office rather than a home.
• Reunion groups, clubs and places of worship. Old school and workplace groups, sports clubs and congregations often know where a former member went.
• Family history. Marriage and death notices, and family-tree sites where relatives have posted, can confirm a name change or a move.

If the trail goes cold, our guides to how to find someone's address in the UK and why free people-search sites rarely find a current UK address explain what to expect.

Why nobody should sell you a home address

An organisation that discloses where someone lives is processing their personal data, and under Article 6 of the UK GDPR it needs a lawful basis. For debts, legal claims, estates and tenancies that basis is a legitimate interest, weighed against the rights of the person traced. A personal wish to reconnect, however sincere, does not pass that test: the other person's home address is theirs to give out, and a tracing service cannot tell from an online form whether the person asking is a long-lost sister or someone they moved away to escape.

The only sound basis for a personal search is the consent of the person being looked for. That is what makes reconnection safe for both sides, and it is why an ICO-registered tracing service will not simply sell you an address for a personal reason; if one offers to, treat it as a warning about how it would handle your own details. Our page on whether address tracing is legal sets out the law.

How a consent-based trace works

For personal reconnection we do things in a set order, and it is the only way we do it.

1. You tell us who you are looking for, who you are, and what you would like to say. A short, warm message works best.
2. We trace the person, cross-referencing more than 150 sources, registers and records, with a person checking the result.
3. We contact them, explain who is asking and pass on your message. In this one service the person does need to know who instructed us.
4. If they agree, we share their address or whatever contact details they choose, and you take it from there.
5. If they decline, we tell you that we reached them and there is no charge.
6. If they do not reply, we make two attempts over three weeks. If there is still no response, there is no charge.

Most people say yes. Those who do not have made a decision that is theirs to make, and we will not go around it.

Adoption and birth relatives

Adoption has its own routes, and they should be your first port of call. In England and Wales an adopted adult can apply for their original birth record, and the Adoption Contact Register lets adopted adults and birth relatives each record a wish for contact, or for no contact, with a link made only when both sides have registered; Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own arrangements. Registered adoption intermediary services, run by local authorities and adoption support agencies, can approach the other person on your behalf and offer counselling around the contact.

We do not hold or access adoption records, and we cannot identify an adopted person from a birth name alone. Where you already know who you are looking for and want a message passed on with their consent, a consent-based trace can do that; if the identity is the problem, an intermediary service is the right route.

Realistic expectations

• They may say no, and that answer is final. Think about whether you can live with it before you start.
• They may not reply at all. Silence after two attempts is treated as a no.
• They may have changed their name, moved abroad or died. Our service covers the UK; if the evidence points overseas or shows the person has died, we tell you what we established and there is no charge.
• A common name with little else to go on takes longer and may end as a Possible rather than a Confirmed result.
• Keep the message simple: who you are, why you are getting in touch, and how they can reply.

What it costs

A consent-based reconnection costs the same as any other trace: £100 for a Standard trace, with your card saved at instruction and charged only if the person agrees and we connect you. There is nothing to pay if we cannot find them, if they decline, or if they do not reply. Express and Priority are built for court deadlines; a reconnection runs at the pace of the person you are contacting, because we allow up to three weeks for a reply.

What information helps

We need the person's full legal name plus at least one of a date of birth or a previous address. A nickname is a starting point, not a name, so ask family what the full name was. Beyond the minimum, maiden and married names, an approximate age and where they were born, the last address you had even from years ago, the town they grew up in, the names of parents, siblings or a partner, where they worked or studied, and when and where you last had contact all help.

When to instruct a professional trace

Instruct when you have tried the free routes, the person matters enough to pay for a proper search, and you want the first approach handled at arm's length so that they can say yes or no without pressure. Read the reconnect with someone page, then instruct online and choose the personal reconnection purpose. If your reason is actually a debt, a legal claim or an estate, choose that purpose instead, because it has its own lawful basis; see our guides on finding missing beneficiaries and tracing a debtor before court.